| 4 entries | | |  | | | | Viz Tips 5 | wrote | | **CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a piss before the film starts.
**DISCARDED PALLETS make ideal 'designer futons' for style-conscious tramps.
**FELLAS Pretend that you are TV's Anthony McPartlin out of Ant and Dec, by looking at yourself in the back of a spoon.
**WOMEN Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a shit anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after you've been banged. | | | | | Viz Tips 4 | wrote | | **MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
**FELLAS. Stand outside an Ann Summers shop dressed in a security guard's uniform with a smoke detector in your pocket. When a fit bird walks out, simply press the smoke alarm test button and voila! A free grope!
**LEPRECHAUNS. Protect your finances by investing in a tracker fund, rather than relying on an ailing currency and leaving a 300foot technicolour arrow in the sky | | | | | Viz Tips 3 | wrote | | **CONSTIPATED driving instructors. Alleviate your discomfort by disconnecting the dual controls on the car when instructing a new pupil. If a stronger laxative effect is required, do the same thing but with a female learner.
**GILLETTE Now that you have been out-manouvred by Wilkinson's Sword with their 4 blade razor as opposed to your pathetic 3, why not catch them off their guard and make a 5 blade model? | | | | | Viz Tips 2 | wrote | | **SKATEBOARDERS Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your arse by wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.
**McDONALD'S Save money on glass by not building a 'window number 1' in your drive throughs as there is invariably never anybody there.
**ENJOY indoor snorkling by filling a bath with water, then removing the plug quickly putting your mouth over it and breathing through the overflow. | | | | | 4 entries | | |
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